Life in the Fast LaneJust another voice in the lesbian wilderness

Relationships aren’t perfect. This is true for many reasons. One of the major reasons that is commonly overlooked is the fact that the people involved aren’t perfect. In love or not, we are human and will make mistakes. Some learn right away from their mistakes; some make a few more before they get it. Some lost souls never learn.

Nonetheless, we are human. The people that hurt us aren’t necessarily terrible people, perhaps they were just terrible people for us.

A big part of growing up is realizing that there is nothing wrong in seeing both sides of the situation. If you truly comprehend both sides of most of the situations you encounter in life … then you are worthy of love in a relationship. But is not a fairytale — it will triumph, and it will fail. It will hurt, and it will heal. It takes understanding and forgiveness.

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I am a quiet person.  I don’t speak unless I know exactly what it is that I am trying to say.  I guess it all comes back to that saying: keep your mouth shut and let them assume you are smart instead of opening your mouth and assuring them you are stupid. 

I apply this to everyday feelings, thoughts, conversations, and debates.  I will listen and I will learn and I will eventually be able to discuss the topic; but, until I know for sure … my mouth is shut.  My thoughts remain in my head and my feelings in my heart.

I am learning that lesbians in my generation need assurance.  We need to hear every step of the way how our “other” is feeling and what they are thinking.  It’s like we coach them into saying what we want to hear.  I understand when you are in a relationship that communication is key … I do! But you can’t force someone to share their feelings if they aren’t ready.  You can’t force someone to say that they love you or that they want a relationship with you.  If you do force them into it, then it becomes temporary happiness for yourself.  And it makes feeling those feelings harder for the other person.

We need to start trusting that, when the other is ready, she will share.  I understand wanting to hear how someone feels about you, especially when it’s all good (not so much when its bad), but it will mean that much more when it’s finally said at the will of the person you want to hear it from.

We have to keep in mind that we can’t make someone feel a certain way — give it time.  If it’s meant to be, then it will happen.  Be patient.  Just because someone isn’t telling you exactly how they feel in detail every day, it doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling for you.  It just means they may not know how to share yet, or that they haven’t figured it out.  Be patient.  The day will come, and they will share their feelings.

Additionally, we need to be honest with our feelings.  If you are ready to talk about how you feel, do so — but be honest. This will encourage your other to be honest with you.  Don’t say what you don’t mean.  Be sincere.  Tell them as soon as you are ready, as soon as you know exactly what you want to say.

After everyone has shared their feelings and everything has been put on the table, work with it.  Keep the communication alive.  Finally, don’t take tomorrow for granted — it may not come. Once it’s clear in your head, say it!

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I believe in Destiny and all that, but I believe that we control where we end up.  Destiny always gives you options, but it’s up to you to decide the course you will follow.

You don’t know the outcome at your time of choosing, but you soon learn.  Some options seem laid out: school, work, roommates, etc.

I know that, in the end, it’s up to me. The people in my life worth having will be there in the end, and the others … well, maybe they unintentionally turn out to be a means to an end, or maybe it’ll turn out that they used me.

We won’t live forever; we have to make rational choices as they arise.  If it’s time to choose a school, change your life, get a new job …  start the process. If it’s time to move, then take the necessary steps.  If it’s time to make a career change, start showing interest in new positions.

The time is now … start bettering your life for you, and those who love and support you.  The rest can get on with their lives.

Life is short and things happen every day, so live today like you won’t see tomorrow. If you love her, tell her. If you don’t love her and never will, tell her. If you want to travel, start traveling. If you want to make a difference, start making that difference.

Today is the day!

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My generation (gay, straight, confused) tends to rush into “titles.”  Hang out in a club once, maybe meet for shopping or lunch, and then — all of a sudden — the “Best Friend” title gets thrown into the mix! Best Friends Forever!! What?

Not only do we tend to use titles too fast, we’ve established our own titles. Here are some generational differences for you: Lesbians in my generation aren’t dating someone; we’re talking to her. We don’t go on dates; we hang out. 

[On a side note, I don't remember the last time a lady knocked on my door and took me out ... maybe because it HAS NOT happened!]

Also, I have learned that, in my generation of lesbians, very few of us actually talk about becoming girlfriends and making that commitment — it’s just assumed.  Or, better yet, you discover you’re someone’s girlfriend when you are introduced as such. Talk about starting off a relationship with bad communication!

Even more frustrating is the title wife. Baby lesbians use it far too early.

The best example of this is a couple I met not too long ago: both young girls lived at home with their parents because they are too young to lease an apartment, have their own credit cards, or hook-up utilities in their own names. But they were married. Had rings to prove it. No last name change; obviously, no ceremony of any kind; yet, they are real quick to show off tattoos and rings.

Wow … it takes a lot more than tattoos and rings.

Now, I understand that, in Lesbian World, if you are living together, you are considered married. But why? Why can’t I just live with my girlfriend? Why must we be so anxious to find love that we throw such an important title around? The turnover rate in lesbian relationships is so high these days. Maybe we should take our time before bestowing titles on each other or ourselves.

I understand, and sometimes believe in, love at first sight, but let’s take the time to get to know each other. I want to be in love as much as the next lesbian, but we should be more cautious in our pursuit of lust and love. So please slow down.

What happens when (or if) gay marriage is legalized everywhere? Are we all going to run out, get married, be wives, and then get in line for divorces because we all jumped the gun?

Young lesbians especially need to slow down. Give love time.

Refrain from using titles too quickly and too often or they will begin to lose what meaning they have left.

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My life is just that … gaining speed in the fast lane, and, so, as life speeds past me I take in what I can. Understand what is meant for me to understand and question the rest.  All the while, creating my thought process and building my views.

My life is much like the life of the average college-aged lesbian. Work, school, relationships, bars and clubs, friends and foes.  I do find that I take a different approach to life’s turns and loops. My age is of no importance, but I will say that I feel my views will be more helpful to those under, say, … 30.  On the other hand, to those older and wiser readers, perhaps I will help you in understanding my generation. Maybe, you can even shed some light to those in my crowd.  Please feel free to contact me at lane@the-dyke-whisperer.com, for I am always open to experiencing different views and/or sharing my own.