The Dyke Whisperer

Of course, I’m not speaking of The Truth in the Socratic sense. I’m talking about my truth. And my truth is not setting me free. My truth has me wound up, sleepless, restless, frustrated, and feeling powerless.

My truth is that I’m enslaved to a passion and, although I attempt to make sound decisions and employ the very principles that I am paid to teach others … that does not override my addiction to this passion that I know is rare, immense, and real.

What am I to do? Channel this energy, suppress it? Ignoring it isn’t working. I can’t blame the source, and I won’t blame circumstances.

I’m scheduled to participate in an MMA brawl this Spring. If this fever doesn’t break soon, I feel very, very sorry for my opponent — and I’m not a violent person.

I’ve taken to lifting heavy weights and swimming in very cold water. Still the passion persists.

I’ve tried getting drunk, staying sober, writing essays, and designing ads for friends.

I’ve climbed an oak tree, challenged a river, and straightened my office.

I just hope this fades, that it is somehow seasonal – that I’ll go to bed tonight, sit at a table with friends, or wake up tomorrow without thinking of you.

And that’s my truth.