The Dyke Whisperer

Tonight will be quiet, and I’m perfectly all right with that. 2010 marked a year of reflection, and reflection requires a measure of stillness. I learned to reflect more this year.

Sometimes we forget the emotional walls we constructed long ago under times of duress, solitude, and sadness. These walls have become a part of us, although we don’t even know they exist anymore. The intimate relations we crave cannot blossom when faced with these barriers.

If we’re lucky — really lucky — we encounter someone who tries to find an opening in our wall or a way around it. That effort should alert us to the fact that somebody truly wants to get to know us. I guess that’s something I learned in 2010: that “intimate” means no walls.

If you’re depressed, you may be living too much in the past. Mistakes, regrets, losses are weighing you down.

If you’re anxious, you may be living too much in the future … afraid of mights, coulds, and maybes.

Live for now and the woman sitting across from you at dinner. The past is gone and the future isn’t real. Events that occurred long ago and those that we think could occur in the future provide the materials needed to construct walls designed to protect and preserve. Remember, though — these walls also serve to isolate and cage.

In late 2010, I learned that it’s better to be vulnerable than caged, as scary as that is. Vulnerability is proof that your heart still works as it should.

The willingness to expose flesh and feelings to another takes  tremendous courage, trust, humor, and strength. Walls self-constructed to protect a vulnerable heart do more damage to that organ than any other person could muster in a lifetime because they prevent a heart from loving and from being loved.

Let 2011 be the Year of the Free-Range Heart … vulnerable as hell but free to discover the magic and mystery of another free-range heart.

Happy New Year and best regards always,
 ~ The Dyke Whisperer