The Dyke Whisperer

Dear Dyke Whisperer,

Why do I always seem to get my heart broken? Why don’t my relationships work out? I think I’m a good person, but I always get shit on and used. I’ve had a variety of girlfriends, but none were willing to give me what I was more than willing to give them. I’m tired of being the experiment for confused straight girls and the patsy for cheating lesbians. How do you find the right woman?

Sandy in Tucson

[I receive a lot of email messages like this]

Dear Sandy,

The reason you’ve gotten your heart broken in the past is so you’ll appreciate the right woman when she comes along. How do you know it’s the right woman? Well, for one, she won’t break your heart. Yes, it’s a tautology, I know that.

The point is that you won’t know it’s the right woman or not unless you keep trying to find her. So don’t give up.

Look for someone solid — not a cute tease who will lure you in for sport. Look for someone with long-term, faithful friends: this is an indication of a trustworthy, loving woman. Look for someone who follows through on promises and is consistent, especially regarding you.

Look for a woman who could easily live without you but doesn’t want to. Look for someone who appreciates you and is naturally inclined to protect you and your feelings. Look for someone who cares about your pets and family. Look for someone who nurtures you and your dreams when you’re down and motivates you to soar beyond your current boundaries when you’re up.

Look for someone who is open and emotionally available. Look for a woman who listens, one who communicates with you easily. Look for a woman who is emotionally fearless. Above all, look for someone who isn’t afraid to love you and freely express this love.

Don’t compromise for a woman knowing that she doesn’t meet your criteria. That’s the wrong woman — one who will lead you to more heartbreak. Don’t think you’ll fix anyone because you can’t. Don’t let lust blind you and loneliness drive you to arms that will prove to be fickle or false. Don’t rush things but don’t be afraid.

Again, don’t be afraid.