The Dyke Whisperer

Another revolution around the sun. It’s been a good one.

Tonight, Venus and the crescent Moon will dance a while after sunset before being joined by Bright Jupiter and a shy Mercury, both of whom will appear close to one another and in the south-southwestern sky (in North America, at least).

Venus is so bright you can see it during daylight if you know where to look. Given Venus’ proximity to the moon tonight, this would be an excellent moment — just before sunset — to use the moon to help you find Venus.

-=*=-

Having fully recovered from a long, surreal, and productive Monday night, I plan on welcoming in 2009 with a rambunctious display of drinking prowess and charm.

So, before that begins … while the sushi settles … I’ll post my 2009 Resolutions:

To be more loving, more tolerant, less responsible, and more involved in community activities. 

I wish you all a magnificent New Year. To those of you who are more controlled and sedate, let your passions run free every once in a while. To those of you with little or no control over your emotions, calm down a little.

More fun, less stress in 2009.

Your fuzzy-headed poet who has most everyone convinced that she’s an academic and an entrepreneur (but you know better),

   — The Dyke Whisperer

1. Commitments made in an overly emotional state often evaporate in an overly emotional state.
2. There’s no such person as a “typical woman.”
3. When you’re having more anxiety than fun, it’s time to leave the party, your job, or her life.
4. Some people just don’t get us, and they never will.
5. Some people are intimidated by us; that’s their problem, not ours.
6. Some people hate us for no reason other than we are lesbians. They are detritus. Avoid them.
7. Shouting matches never produce positive results.
8. Women who start sentences with “I’m not a feminist, but …” are either gutless or fools.
9. It takes more than one shower to wash off that industrial-strength perfume that strippers wear.
10. Be wary of victims in aggressive pursuit of saviors.

Yes, it’s that time of year (obviously).

I suggest that you somehow (electronically or on paper) codify your accomplishments for 2008 and list your goals (no, not resolutions — that’s different) for 2009.

It might be helpful to take a “four-way” view as you determine where you are and where you want to be. Consider how you currently allocate your time:

1. Home-life

2. Work

3. Community (however you want to define that)

4. Self

Now, consider how you would like to allocate your time to achieve balance (?), purpose (?), satisfaction (?) … whatever your personal objective(s) is/are.

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas — and, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then enjoy the time off to celebrate the Holidays by indulging yourself and your loved ones.

To the one woman who owns my heart (and has maintained it lovingly, playfully, patiently, and steadfastly) for over a decade … your place in my life continues to be the greatest gift I could ever receive.

To my friends, I treasure you and look forward to continuing to lead you astray into a life of ethical hedonism every single chance I get.

To my faithful readers, I thank you sincerely, humbly, affectionately, and completely.

To those of you whom I know in person, I hope to see you soon and share in silly, light-hearted moments. To those of you whom I’ve never met, may you experience light and love on a daily basis.

Best regards always,

Diane

Glad that a “pastor” who equates gay relationships with child abuse will deliver the invocation at the upcoming Inauguration. It is a time to bring all Americans together – including those who spew bile and hate. I wonder when the representative of the Klan will be announced and what role he/she will play in this solemn ceremony?

Hate is hate.

There is no spin to it. Creepy pastor Warren was instrumental in stripping away the rights of gays and lesbians in California. Had he worked similarly to dislodge the rights of another group of Americans, would his presence be welcome at the Inauguration of the President of the United States?

Hate is hate.

It’s the Holiday Season. Women are joyous, frustrated, relieved, scared, comforted, lonely, enthusiastic, worried, irritated, affectionate, alienated, and loving. Be prepared to experience and encounter a host of shifting emotions.

Every day, take time out for yourself and each other if in a relationship. Indulge in simple activities like a cup of hot chocolate, eggnog, or cider. Or a nap.

Don’t get so caught in in this hectic time of year that you find yourself pissed off or having to deal with a pissed off girlfriend/wife/partner.

If “your” woman is seeking — and finding – comfort and reassurance from someone other than you, she’s NOT your woman. This situation may or may not be fixable, depending on the following:

1. the circumstances involved, i.e., why she’s not comfortable talking to you
2. the strength of the relationship she has with the woman that is serving as her confidante

This, by the way, is how I believe many lesbian relationships begin and end.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a woman on a cold winter’s day when both of you would rather not be at work is to exhibit some gentle, almost juvenile, teasing. An unexpected inside joke or a playful verbal jab can warm a woman up faster and more completely than a cup of hot chocolate, a shot of whiskey, a down comforter, or a hearty fire.

Go on: text her, call her, or e-mail her.

Dear Dyke Whisperer, I just found out that the woman I had been dating has admitted to several mutual acquaintances that she’s using me for my money. I kind of want to confront her about it. Should I?

Fool in Madison

Dear Madison,

Obviously, if you know this to be true, never spend another cent on her as long as you both are alive and even after death. As far as confrontation is concerned, she sounds like she’s mean and spiteful. It’s advisable not to get into a spat with such a person. Just phase her out of your life. You don’t owe her an explanation.

When she realizes that you are no longer a source of cash and comfort, she’ll find someone else in what will likely be a surprisingly short time.

This is how scary it is out there: Scary Shit. Those of you on either coast, please don’t discount these lunatics. Remember: Prop 8 passed in California.