Coming Out, Part 6
If you are young, you might be faced with the unique prospect of coming out to your parents or guardians, while (1) they are financially supporting you AND (2) you KNOW they’re going to disapprove (minimally) or possibly disown you/kick you out of their house/apartment.
You MUST understand the following: DO NOT CONFOUND ISSUES.
You want your family (primarily parents or guardians) to ACCEPT you because you are gay. You had NO CHOICE in the matter. It’s like being accepted for being blonde or African-American or Asian or Latina. You just want to be accepted for who you are. It’s like them accepting Algebra: they might not like it, but you are who you are. You deserve to be accepted.
Acceptance is the PRIMARY issue of coming out to family and friends. Now, JUST BECAUSE THEY ACCEPT YOU AND / OR LOVE YOU DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOUR PARENTS AND GUARDIANS ARE GOING TO AGREE WITH DECISIONS YOU MAKE.
In other words, DON’T TIE THE COMING-OUT — WHICH DOES NOT INVOLVE CHOICE — with LIFESTYLE ISSUES THAT DO INVOLVE CHOICE.
Being gay is who you are; moving in with your girlfriend DOES NOT involve acceptance, it is a decision open to agreement or disagreement. DON’T mix the two. If you do, the perceived BAD / IMMATURE decision — which involves a choice — makes your gayness SEEM LIKE a choice too! By mixing your natural sexual orientation (which more and more seems to be based in biology and physiology) with decision-making, you will lose credibility.
ACCEPTANCE DOES NOT EQUAL AGREEMENT. KEEP YOUR COMING-OUT SEPARATE FROM YOUR DECISIONS. Realizing this and acting accordingly will make sense to intelligent, sensible young people. The immature will, like children, just want what they want when they want it, further solidifying their perception AS children — children who are not able to understand what it means to be gay (as unhappy, disappointed parents will strongly and likely insist).
