Coming Out, Part 4
You are gay. You were born gay. No specific action or incident made you gay. There is NOTHING to justify. What made you have brown hair? What made you have green eyes? It’s just how you were made.
Keep this in mind when you come out: the individual(s) listening to you are going to react. You can’t control that; however, you can help guide them through this process by remaining calm, steadfast, strong, and rational. This is no time for hysterics on your part.
Tell them but don’t feel the need to offer a storyline of your personal discovery. You’re gay; you know you’re gay. It is now up to the person you have told whether he/she wants to retain his/her social ties to you or not — build, burn, or strengthen bridges.
“I’m gay. I didn’t think I could tell you before because of a variety of issues. I have resolved those issues now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. It’s who I am and who I will be.”
The apology will appeal to any compassion that this person has. Realize you are NOT apologizing for being gay; you are apologizing for not telling this person earlier.
You’ll need to answer the inevitable questions with short, rational answers.
“I’ve always been gay.”
“No, I don’t have a crush on you.”
“My family doesn’t know yet. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.”
“A few people at work know.”
This is no time to be dramatic. If the situation is right, get it over with and get on with your life.
