Defining Terms
Let’s establish a baseline first. FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS SERIES, I am identifying a “straight woman” as one who IDENTIFIES as straight. She tells others and herself that she is straight, with no exceptions. I am identifying a “lesbian” as a woman who IDENTIFIES as a lesbian, whether she’s out, in the closet, has a boyfriend, has never had a girlfriend, etc. If she identifies herself as a lesbian to herself or others, then she’s a lesbian.
For the purposes of this series — and this blog, really — WHO YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH IN THE PAST IS IRRELEVANT. Your sexual orientation is WHAT YOU SAY IT IS TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS TODAY.
No one can tell you how to pronounce your name — no matter how you pronounced it in the past. No one can tell you who you are sexually attracted to now — no matter who you were sexually attracted to (or thought you were) in the past.
Martina Navratilova dated men in NYC in the 1970s. Elton John married a woman. Are these two bisexuals? Were they straight for a time? No, of course not. The past is NOT prelude when it comes to our sexuality.
This particular series does not address bisexuality. I’ll leave that for another time. If you are just curious as to what it would be like to have sex with a woman and wonder about it from time to time, you’re probably not a lesbian — unless these thoughts haunt you during most of your waking hours and the thought of sex with men is beyond unappealing, venturing into the realm of repulsion. THEN, you’re probably a lesbian, and, hopefully, I’ll run into you in a bar or nightclub one night.
“Sexuality is fluid.” This statement irritates me. It’s simply not true for straight women and lesbians. “Fluidity” indicates constant motion, shifting, pliability. Sexuality for these two groups is fundamentally static. HOWEVER, every once in a while, a woman who identifies as straight will become sexually drawn to another woman. I’m NOT talking about drunken college humping. I’m NOT talking about close friends who kiss on the lips when they meet and treat each other with affection. I’m talking about a straight woman desiring an extended sexual relationship with another woman.
“Oh, she’s just ‘bi!’” No, she’s not. Usually, she will say that she’s only attracted to a PARTICULAR woman. IF these two have a sexual relationship, she will more than likely return to men. If she doesn’t then, yes, she is bisexual or a lesbian, depending on how she identifies — and it took the lesbian she desired to bust her out of her closet.
Okay, now that we have our definitions out of the way. We’ll get to the more interesting stuff starting tomorrow.
