Family Affair
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I’m meeting my girlfriend’s family for the first time in a couple of weeks. We are going to spend the weekend with them. I’m nervous. I think that some of them are accepting, but others are not. Any pointers?
Nervous in NYC
Just remember to keep things in perspective: the reason you’re doing this is for your girlfriend. Not all of these people — these complete strangers — will like you; not all will dislike you. Always be decent and polite to all of them, but do not feel obligated to form lasting familial (or even friendly) bonds with any of them, much less all of them.
Don’t prejudge any of them, although some of them may prejudge you. Stay focused on your girlfriend. Also, allow her — among her family members in their territory — to initiate any public displays of affection.
If possible, lobby to arrive there on Saturday rather than Friday evening. That’ll leave you with a shorter stay and a greater chance of maintaining your decent-polite exterior. If things go well, next time you’ll know, and you can spend as much time as you’d like with them. If things do not go well, come on, it’s only a day and a half.
Bring a gift to the patriarch/matriarch/ruling dyad of her clan. Splurge if you are able. ALWAYS bring a gift, even if they tell you not to. If any family members are or have children, bring something for them as well. Consider their ages and be a generalist. For example, bring a soccer ball, stuffed animals, or non-controversial books (classics are a good choice). Consult your girlfriend about the purchases. Video games, sweets, or lesbian-separatist literature are not appropriate gift choices for children under these circumstances. Don’t give any potential haters additional ammo.
Be prepared to face the inevitable “sleeping arrangement” situation. Discuss this with your girlfriend before you arrive. Remember you’re a guest in her family’s domicile. At your place, you can have sex in front of them in the kitchen if you choose. In their place, you must abide by their rules or leave. It doesn’t matter that hetero visitors have or can sleep together: their place, their rules. If you can’t handle that, don’t go.
Smile a lot. Avoid political or religious topics. Acknowledge any pets. Compliment the chef. Admire any collections. Smile more.
Finally, bring two small bottles of booze (if you drink). You never know.
