Meeting Women
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I am a veterinarian in Northern California. I’m too shy to meet women. I can’t seem to approach them and, when they approach me, I freeze up! All I want is a girlfriend. Is that too much to ask for?
Going Crazy
Dear Crazy,
In my estimation, a productive/satisfying dating or social life revolves around the management of your expectations. No, I’m not talking about positive visualization or anything that esoteric. When you speak to women, realize that most are not evaluating you — they are just as anxious as you to be perceived as friendly and acceptable. MOST, now. Some are just assholes, but these are easy to spot and avoid.
Tell me, do you have a “running buddy,” i.e., someone to accompany you at outings? If you do, have a friendly contest to see who can meet five new women at a bar, at a coffee shop, during the week, whatever makes sense in your world. Compare notes. This should be fun and playful.
If not, you must realize that you’re not in this alone. Many of the women you see confidently chatting to women were shy at one point.
Similar interests and commonalities break down many barriers. When approaching a woman you find attractive, turn your attention outward toward her, as opposed to inward. Listen to her and encourage her to speak.
Be persistent (not stalkerish though). It may take more than one overture to gain someone’s positive attention. If a woman doesn’t seem interested in you on one meeting, it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t interested in you. She might have had a bad day at work or a contentious encounter with a client / professor / student / friend / family member.
There’s always the chance that your eyes will lock onto her eyes, and you’ll fall madly in love at first sight. More likely, however, you will need to build a relationship based on trust, respect, and shared goals. That takes time — to do it right takes time.
Don’t be discouraged. Dating “prowess” is a social skill that can be developed. Just keep at it, be playful, have fun. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
