Desperate in Dallas
Dear Dyke Whisperer, why don’t lesbians ever hit on me? I’m 27 and femme and very lonely. I am in the closet at work and around some of my friends. Please help!
Lonely in Dallas
Dear Dallas,
Look, you have to be open about your sexuality or most women aren’t going to pursue you. The ones who are going to hit on you are the super-aggressive drunk ones who don’t care if they offend women.
The mere presence in a queer/dyke bar isn’t sufficient either: today (actually in the past 10 years or so), these locations are filled with “straight” girls. Let your colleagues, co-workers, friends know that you are a lesbian looking for a date.
Now, if you’ve been open about your sexuality and you STILL don’t get attention, then you need to examine your personality and make adjustments: make an effort to be more open and friendly. Yes, talk to strangers and smile.
As a last resort, identify a lesbian chieftain (usually a butch who rules a lesbian “clan”). She’s the one who always throws the parties, organizes the dinners, sponsors the softball team, chooses the book for the next lesbian theory reading group, buys the keg, etc. She’ll be a serial monogamist who cheats frequently. Be friendly and socially submissive to her, and soon you’ll find yourself invited to more events than you can attend. Choose a comfortable sub-group and … (poof!), before you know it, you’ll be female bonding at will.
Good luck!
